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Baby Update and Some Personal Angst

Went to get sonogram today. Puff is well. He was moving and his heart beat was "reactive." Of course they did the fetal monitoring during his usual afternoon nap and the doctor decided that the Puff needed to be woken up. They put a little noise maker thing that looked like a tiny microphone up to my belly and buzzed him. He about jumped out of my skin. He did his best to spread his arms and legs in the classic infant startle response. I started laughing really hard and it took me about 5 minutes to get calmed down enough for them to get his heart beat back on the monitor. Poor kid was well behaved for the rest of the time.

The ulrasound showed that he already at 34 weeks weighs in the neighborhood of 6 lbs. 11 oz. I have at least 5 weeks to go. Basically, unless he decides to come four weeks early, I will have to have a C-Section. It looks like the latest date for the Puff's birthday is going to be May 2nd. By then I will be 39 weeks and it is my OB's surgery day. And the Puff will likely be over 9lbs. so when he goes to the NICU for his manadory blood sugar monitoring, he will look like he could eat the premies that are in there.

Also my blood pressure was up again. I have been ordered to rest as much as possible. I still get to go to work as long as I take it really easy and check my blood pressure on my own. They took blood work to check for problems and I get to do ANOTHER 24 hour urine collection. Joy.

Oh and my doctor told me that I need to try to get my wedding ring off and soon, and if I can't get it off over the weekend, I need to go to a jeweler and have it cut off. Yay again.

I am just a wee bit frustrated and angry. I mean I have done everything that I can and kept my blood sugars as close to normal as possible and it just hasn't been good enough. I am pissed off. At myself and at the nature of this disease and my lack of control over it even with all the work I have done. And honestly, I really do not want to see any comments about the advantages of having a planned c-section. I wanted my baby's birth to be as natural as it could be and that will most likely just not happen. So just let me be upset about that. Thanks.

I'll be on my couch on my left side if you need me. And the Puff's baby shower is tomorrow, so I am sure I will be feeling better by then.



( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 30th, 2007 01:53 am (UTC)
:gently hugs:

Poor Puff -- having his nap so rudely interrupted!

I get why you would be frustrated. I am so glad to hear that you have a happy occasion to look forward to tomorrow!

Mar. 30th, 2007 11:30 am (UTC)
Yes I have been told that there will be sugar free cheese cake. That and free stuff for the Puff should go a long way :)
Mar. 30th, 2007 01:55 am (UTC)

*kicks diabetes*

You are a powerful, wonderful woman, and you are going to be a massively phenomenal mom. I wish I could see you in person and squeeze the stuffing out of you.

Hang in there....
Mar. 30th, 2007 03:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Love you bunches!
Mar. 30th, 2007 02:26 am (UTC)
*hugs you*

I know it's hard to deal with (trust me, after giving birth 4 times, I know!). I understand how hard it is, because you get this vision in your head of what childbirth is going to be, and it's never like that expectation. And I *do* understand why you're angry and upset and frustrated. It's a natural thing to feel like this, I think. It makes you feel like a failure on top of everything else.

The best advice I can give you is to focus on the outcome -- a healthy, happy baby -- and just deal with the rest the best way you can. Kind of in a "the ends justify the means" kind of way, if that makes sense. That doesn't make the disappointment go away, but I think it might help mute it a bit.

Is a C-section a certainty? And why are they saying C-section if it is? Is it because of the GD and/or your blood pressure? Or just because the Puff might be big? Because plenty of women have given birth vaginally to babies over 9 pounds (I've got two close friends that have done it in the past year, actually). I guess I'd just think that they'd tell you that a c-section was a possibility, but not an absolute certainty, but I don't know everything about your health issues.

I remember that buzzing thing. It *does* make them jump, doesn't it?

Have loads of fun at the shower, and make sure you coo over all the cutesy clothes. :D
Mar. 30th, 2007 11:39 am (UTC)
The reason they are recommending it (if I go to term or at least 38 weeks) is that babies of diabetic moms tend to gain the extra weight unevenly making them top heavy and giving them big shoulders.

The risk for shoulder dystotia is greatly increased in diabetic women with babies over 9 lbs. And he is on track to be almost 10. That is the saftey issue. And honestly if I were to try a vaginal birth and that were to happen I would never forgive myself.

Of course I could go into labor at 36 weeks and they would possibly let me try for a vaginal birth. Or if my blood pressure won't stay down my OB said that if I wasn't too ill and the baby was okay they would induce me early and allow me to try to deliver vaginally depending on the size of the baby at that time.

So there are a couple of scenarios where I might be able to try a vaginal birth. But both of them tend to be more problematic than solutions really because babies of diabetic moms also tend to lag a bit behind in lung developement.

Oh and I have Type One Diabetes so I have been dealing with all of this and more since the day I took a pregnancy test. So I think that is another reason that this is just more frustrating.

Thanks for your kind words. I really do appreciate them.
Mar. 30th, 2007 11:56 am (UTC)
Ah. See, I never had to deal with diabetes, so I wasn't sure. And I can totally understand the worry over shoulder dystotia. I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself, either.

The birth of my first son had WAY more intervention that I expected. Not an emergency c-section, but we were very close (ended up using vacuum extraction and forceps, and if those hadn't worked, they would've had to do the c). I was induced 16 days past his due date, and there was meconium in the fluid, so they had to be very careful. They didn't want him to breathe until they could get the meconium suctioned away, and then when they wanted him to breathe, he didn't at first.

I remember at the time how scared I was, and then how upset I was afterwards. It was nothing at all like I planned. But he's healthy and happy now (well, as happy as a teenaged boy gets), and in the end, that's all that mattered. But it took me a long time (and a lot of convincing myself) to get to that point. There are women all over who don't have the birth experience they wanted, so you're definitely not alone in this.

I'll be thinking of you!
Mar. 30th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
Huge hugs my dear. I know I worked my ass off to keep Alex's weight down, and he was still over 8 lbs, and still tops out that the top of every measurement. I can't help but blame myself somehow, but you are doing your absolute best. Is there any possibility of trying an induction at 8.5 months, or are other health issues in the way? Do they plan on doing any tests for lung function?
Mar. 30th, 2007 02:56 pm (UTC)
My OB refuses to take babies before 39 weeks unless the baby or the mother's health is in danger. That is her policy and I am cool with that. I would much rather have the C-section and know that his little lungs are okay than tryto go early if he isn't ready.

And they won't do tests of lung function unless they are medically necessary. If you choose to try to deliver early you have to pay for the tests yourself, they aren't covered by insurance.
Mar. 30th, 2007 04:42 am (UTC)
Have fun at the shower and play all of the silly baby games. Let everone measure your belly.

I am sorry that things didn't go as planned for you.

Mar. 30th, 2007 05:15 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry. Your hopes for your birth are very important and its perfectly valid to mourn the loss of that. If there are no other options for you, then perhaps you have enough time to reevaluate your goals for the birth and you'll find new things to be happy about.

Big *hugs* and hope your shower is fun!
Mar. 30th, 2007 03:29 pm (UTC)
Thanks dear. I am glad that I have some time to get used to the idea. I was always aware that it was a very probable outcome, but I had been doing so well with my blood sugars I was really hoping that I could make it without him getting too huge.

I will just have to make sure that I don't take the tags off any little clothes that are "newborn" size!
Mar. 30th, 2007 05:18 am (UTC)
Puff's blood sugar may drop suddenly once he's away from his urber sweet mummy.......

Whatever happens, when he arrives it doesn't really matter how he arrived.

Enjoy and best wishes.
Mar. 30th, 2007 02:59 pm (UTC)
Oh I am well aware that his BS may drop. I have already been informed that he will have to spend about 3 hours in the NICU for observation at the least to make sure that he can regulate his own sugar level. And I can see all the parents of the little premies in there wondering who brought in a three month old!
Mar. 30th, 2007 07:43 am (UTC)
Hugs! In fact, bloody big hugs.
You do realise that everytime I am near baby clothing in the shops, I am thinking of you and the puff?
Hugs again.
Mar. 30th, 2007 01:09 pm (UTC)
Enjoy your shower!

My two births were totally different from each other. The first was totally natural, etc. The second was very not, and I struggled with guilt about that, like I'd failed or something, for a few months. Silly when I was holding a healthy baby. It's the baby, not the way it's born that counts. Don't listen to anyone who suggests that the way you go about it has shortcomings or anything like that.
Mar. 30th, 2007 01:47 pm (UTC)
*hugs you*

When Hogan was born, at 8 lbs 13 ozs, he had some breathing issues and had to be in the NICU for a few days. He was more than twice as large as the biggest babies in there.

I'm sorry things aren't turning out like you wish them to be. It's ok and perfectly normal to be upset about it, and anyone who tells you otherwise probably doesn't have kids.

*hugs you some more*

Hang in there. Your sweet little Puff with be in your arms before you know it.
Mar. 30th, 2007 03:12 pm (UTC)
I know I just feel bad for the parents of the little tiny babies in there who will be scared that my boy could EAT theirs!
Mar. 30th, 2007 04:00 pm (UTC)
Oh poppet! Big huge hugs to you! I'm truly amazed at how you've managed the whole thing so far....I know it's hard on you...you know you can always call me to vent! Big loves to you!
Mar. 31st, 2007 04:04 am (UTC)
*hugs you carefully*

Thank you for sharing the details with us.
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )